The Boyfriend of the Week

August 13, 1999

This week's Boyfriend is kind of a tricky one. I've always liked Jeff Goldblum but I've never been able to figure out just why. He's strange, for one thing, and not exactly handsome as much as "interesting-looking" (which is sort of a round-about compliment). I often talk about drooling over Boyfriends when I see them in films, but I have to say a better word for my reaction to Goldblum is "gawking." I gawk at him when he's on-screen. I'm never quite sure what to think, but I can't stop thinking anyway.

First of all, let me start by saying Jeff has been in some of my all-time favorite films. He was great in "The Big Chill," and "The Fly." He was hilarious in "The Tall Guy" and "Transylvania 6-5000." And, while these two aren't in my "all-time favorite films" list, I enjoyed watching him in "Jurassic Park" (playing a mathematician -- math is VERY sexy) and "Independence Day."

And, of course, who can forget that one episode of "Starsky and Hutch"?

Yeah, okay, I've forgotten it too.

Anyway, what's difficult about featuring Jeff is that I'm not quite sure what to say about him. I don't know much about him, for starters, other than that he has a terrible habit of marrying co-stars and then dumping them later for OTHER co-stars. And I can't really decide if he's a good actor or if he just plays himself all the time. But see, this is one of the things I find interesting about him -- I just can't figure him out AT ALL. I can't figure out if I find him attractive, I can't figure out if I find him talented, I can't figure out WHY I'm putting him on this web page.

And that's probably exactly why I'm putting him on this web page. I've always been attracted to enigmas. You know, like MacGyver! (Hur)

There are a lot of fan sites out there about Jeff Goldblum, by the way. I went to about a dozen of them before I gave up looking for personal information about him. NOBODY knows Jeff Goldblum. Or, if they do, they ain't talkin'. The most I could find out was his date of birth, height ("very tall"), and the part he played in his first movie ever ("Freak 1"). Most fan sites I've been to in the past have lengthy bio pages with more details than you could possibly want about a famous person (favorite breakfast cereal, favorite color, favorite computer programming language, favorite television show about an extra-terrestrial, etc.). But nobody's even bothered to make stuff UP about Jeff. I think we all must be hopelessly confused as to exactly what it is about him that's making us tick. I find that incredibly fascinating.

But I'm going to make stuff up about him anyway, just to be different.

So there it is, folks. All the information you always wanted to know about Jeff Goldblum but could never find out. See why they should make my web site #1?

MacGyver Factor Score: 87.9%. Points off for playing Ichabod Crane. The whole Legend of Sleepy Hollow thing used to freak me out as a child and I used to have nightmares about Ichabod Crane because he was so bug-eyed and skinny and scary-looking. Jeff Goldblum is perfect for the role and that distresses me to no end. Seriously. I did NOT need to make that association in my mind -- it's ruined the whole love affair for me. Yeesh! Bleh! Ick!

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