The Boyfriend of the Week

February 8, 1999

This week's Boyfriend is sort of trendy, and I apologize for that, but sometimes even hipsters like me have to go with the flow. Especially when the flow is as good looking as Jeremy London.

If you recognize Jeremy, it's probably because you're a Party of Five watcher, and good for you! That show, with the exception of the Year of the Alcoholics, has been one of the most consistently GOOD programs on television during the last few years. And though I have a few complaints with this season's storylines so far (can I just ask -- Did anyone else notice Owen aged about 6 years over the summer? I mean, wasn't he a toddler not that long ago? And why have him age physically if mentally and socially he's still in the Terrible Two's? Everytime he comes on screen, I find myself hoping he'll get hit by a truck! And I even LIKE kids!). . .

Alas, I digress. Where was I? Oh -- this season in particular, aside from Owen and a few problems I'm having with Julia lately, has been pretty interesting. Most shows get this far in their storyline and they run out of anything to say. Then you end up with coma plotlines, lawsuit plotlines, and just about everything else that's happened on 90210 in the last 3 years. But Party of Five hasn't had to stoop to those kinds of levels yet. Let's hope they keep it up!

Recently, Jeremy's character Griffin has been playing a bigger role in the show, and I'm happy to see that because, though I used to think he was a big dumb loser, I've discovered that he's actually a big smart loser. And the loser part just really hardly seems like his fault, you know what I mean? The poor man simply cannot get a break! But he's so nice, I wish I could give him one! Or, if not a break, at least a sweet girlfriend. Like me. Or, um, ME.

Acutally, my theory all along has been that Julia and Griffin will end up getting back together eventually. I don't base this on the nature of romance or some icky pink sentimentalist hoo-hah. I base this on the fact that he's STILL on the show. And why else keep paying his salary? Ditto for Kirstin and Charlie -- why is Kirstin STILL on this show if not to get back together with Charlie? And look, she even just separated from her husband!

I wish I could bet money on this.

Anyway, Griffin has grown. He's not a slacky bag of worthlessness anymore. He's sensitive! He appreciates Claudia! He's nice to EVERYBODY! I just like him. I just do. Just. Really. Do.

As if playing a sweetie on TV every Wednesday wasn't good enough, there's another plus to being in love with Jeremy London. He has a clone! Well, okay, an identical twin brother, anyway. And the clone (named "Jason") shows up in movies and TV shows himself from time to time. Take, for instance, last week's UPN Thursday Night Movie ("Alien Cargo"!). Wait, that was two weeks ago. Anyway, were you fooled? That wasn't Jeremy! That was Jason! And I got to watch it and pretend it was Griffin instead. Double your pleasure, double your fun! Plus, as we all know, twins are interesting people. I know this because I AM a twin and I'm exceedingly interesting. In fact, I dare say I'm the most interesting person I've ever met! So complex, so intelligent, and SO DAMN FUNNY! Uh, er something. . .

The weird thing about this Boyfriend, however, is that Jeremy London shows up in teen magazines. He's a teen heartthrob, even. I feel kind of funny about that. Almost like putting LEO up here, you know? So, there's not really anything quirky or interesting about this week's choice. The reason I went for it anyway, risking possible alienation of some fans who have been rooting for the underdogs right along with me all this time, is that, well, JEREMY LONDON IS REALLY REALLY CUTE! Sometimes you have to break the rules to have a little fun. Sell yourself out. Stoop to a level that's well beneath you!

Though I'm sure saying that out loud is NO way to score a date with Griffin. . .Maybe he'd appreciate the honesty? Anyway, he ought to just go punch Julia's abusive boyfriend Ned and sweep her back off her feet. Or else ditch the whole family and run. Run right up here to Seattle, Griffin. I will let you crash on my couch. I will feed you macaroni and cheese. I will not harp about your inadequacies or ask you for a divorce. I just want a kiss. ONE kiss. Is that so much to ask?

MacGyver Factor Score: 93%. Points off for DESPERATELY needing a hair-cut.

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