The Boyfriend of the Week

August 1, 1999

I had originally intended to run somebody totally different this week, but everytime I turned on the tv over the weekend, there was a Kiefer Sutherland movie on. There's just no ignoring an obvious signal like that. Somebody up there wants me to run Kiefer and I ain't going to mess with cosmic suggestions.

Kiefer Sutherland was the second most significant star-crush of my childhood (first was River Phoenix, third was Johnny Depp). I never really paid much attention to him until I saw him in a television movie where he fell head-over-heels in love with a young deaf woman ("Crazy Moon"). Soooooo romantic (plus, I was fascinated by sign language at the time so seeing Kiefer do "I love you" just rang ALL my bells).

After that, I started noticing him all over the place. Usually, and I hate to say this, he played really mean or otherwise horrible people ("Stand By Me," "The Lost Boys," "Flatliners"). He makes a great bully, vampire, arrogant jerk, rapist, low-life, dirty cop, redneck, etc.

However, these aren't the roles I like to think of when thinking of Kiefer. I much prefer thinking of him as Athos in "The Three Musketeers" (also starring future Boyfriend Oliver Platt), Doc Scurlock in "Young Guns" and "Young Guns II" (love those Westerns!), and Scott in "1969." He looks great with swords, chaps, OR love beads. Such a versatile actor!

Now is it just me, or did it seem like he kind of dropped off the face of the planet for awhile after the whole Julia Roberts fiasco? I was all grown up by then, and well over my kissing-the-poster-over-my-bed crush, but even I noticed that something in his career changed after that. There were some dark undertones to the whole thing -- I got the feeling he was either obsessive or angry (or obsessively angry) -- but I never really looked into the story to find out what really happened. It was kind of weird, wasn't it? If anybody has any gossip, email me. Or maybe you shouldn't. Sometimes it's better not knowing this kind of thing, you know?

Anyway, he's started to make a come-back, I think. Been in a couple of movies lately (though mostly dogs or movies where he's just incredibly awful (like "Dark City" -- my GOD he was annoying in that)) and I see on the IMDB that he's got a few more in the works. It's about time, too. I hope he gets out of the whole bad boy thing for a bit, though. No more mean guys or scary people, please, Kiefer. It's time to become a romantic older man, you know what I mean? Time to put the rebellious youth behind you and start charming the ladies. At least, on-screen.

Or, say, in my apartment. You can come over and charm ME all you want, Kiefer. I won't even make you memorize lines first. You don't even have to wear a costume or make-up! No cameras to trip over! Nobody yelling "Cut!" No trailers! Nobody else trying to steal YOUR scene! It'll be wonderful!

Yeah, I didn't think so. Anyway, I at least ought to score a few points for being one of the few web sites with information about you that has your first name spelled correctly (i before e except after c, people!). That's gotta be worth SOMETHING, right?

MacGyver Factor Score: 92.6%. Points off for having the full name: Kiefer William Frederick Dempsey George Rufus Sutherland. Yes, I do realize it's not his fault, but c'mon, that's just ridiculous!

Click here to go to the IMDB page on Kiefer.

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