The Boyfriend of the Week

May 15, 2000

This week's Boyfriend was kind of a last-minute decision. I had planned to feature John Malkovich this week, as I rented "Being John Malkovich" over the weekend and thus felt like I had some new and timely commentary about him. I've always liked John -- in fact, "Portrait of a Lady" is one of my all-time favorite films. However, once I started my investigation (every Boyfriend is thoroughly investigated before the first date), I discovered that he's actually an arrogant bastard completely unworthy of a girlfriend as utterly mah-velous as I.

Take that!

If you would like to defend John, email me and let me know why I'm wrong. You might actually be able to convince me (but you'll have to better than just saying, "But, he's soooooo great!" You can work on that later, though, because right now it's time to talk to someone who IS deserving of a special place in my heart and on my web page, Richard T. Jones.

Don't know who the heck he is? Then you aren't watching the television show "Judging Amy," even though I told you to a zillion weeks ago when I featured Dan Futterman. Can I help it if you don't listen? I mean, honestly, people. No, no, that is IT. I am calling your mothers! You are gonna get so incredibly grounded, little missy!

The rest of you guys (the obedient, angelic fans) recognize Richard right away as Judge Amy's assistant Bruce Van Exel. If you've been watching Richard religiously and regularly (RRR), you might also have been wondering where the heck it was you saw him before, he looks so familiar, who is that guy? The answer is multi-fold, though not as multi-fold, obviously, as John Malkovich. John's done a little bit of everything and Richard's done a little bit, period. However, we are no longer speaking to or about John Malkovich (pig), so just forget I brought it up.

The movies I remember Richard from are the thriller "Kiss the Girls," with Morgan Freeman and Ashley Judd (which I really liked but mostly because I have a total girl-crush on Ashley who is very nice and pretty); "Event Horizon" with Lawrence Fishburne (terrible! or, as we Spaniards like to say, "terrible!"); and "What's Love Got to Do With It," that Emmy-winning television flick about Tina Turner (he played her eldest son).

See? Short list. But getting longer with every passing month. In fact, it lengthened just last summer when Richie costarred in a movie called "The Wood," about a jittery soon-to-be-groom who takes off three hours before his wedding. His pals (one of whom is Richard) have to try to sober him up and help him decide if he really wants to get married. There are a lot of flashbacks to their childhood together which makes this more a coming-of-age movie than anything else. Anyway, it's pretty good and when your grounding is over (no tv for a week!), you should go rent it.

Here's a little known fact about Rich: he originally intended to be a lawyer, the smartypants. Entered Tuskegee University to study law and signed up for an acting class figuring it would be an easy A ("Why'd you think taking shop would be easy?" "Are you kidding? Have you seen the guys who take shop?" "I take shop." (Name that movie)). He soon discovered he was dang good at memorization (could memorize an entire monologue right before getting up and reciting it) and his teacher soon discovered he was dang good at everything else. He quickly forgot the law (well, practicing it, anyway) and headed West to try to make it in the big leagues.

It didn't take long before people were saying stuff like, "Hey, you kinda look like Michael Jordan -- how about being in my commercial?" After a few commercials, he got enlisted to do the Tina movie and from there his career just took off. He was in a few movies, but is mostly known for his roles on the tv shows "Sweet Justice" and Steven Bochco's "Brooklyn South."

I actually read the "he looks like Mike!" thing on almost every web site I went to to learn about Richard. However, after close examination (Richard. Mike. Richard. Mike. Richard. Mike. Nope.) I've decided I still don't see it. However, there are similarities elsewhere in their lives. For example, Michael Jordan is an athlete and Richard T. Jones always wanted to be a professional track star. Also, Michael Jordan plays baseball (occasionally) and Richard T. Jones' father is the batting coach for the Cleveland Indians. Also, Michael Jordan's name contains an R and a J and so does Richard Jones'! So, you see, though they may not look that much alike, they are essentially the same person on the inside.


Anyway, I'm not sure what else I can tell you about him. He's kind of new to the scene and there's just not a lot out there yet. I did read an interview with him about "The Wood" and thus can tell you that, in person, he seems to be very intelligent and nice. That scores you big points in my book, especially this week, as I was elbowed in the ribs a few days ago by a very rude and OBVIOUSLY stupid lady cutting in line at the ATM machine. I was tempted to yell, "Don't you know who I AM?" but I felt much more satisfaction knowing that she had just elbowed Meg, famous web site creator, and didn't even know it. Hah! You'll never be my friend now, you stinkin' loser!

Alas, I digress.

It looks like Rich is going to show up in a movie coming out some time this year called, "Auggie Rose" and starring Jeff Goldblum and Anne Heche. Here's what the IMDB says it's about: "An insurance salesman's humdrum existance takes a turn when a stranger, ex-con Auggie Rose, unexpectedly dies in his arms. Assuming the identity of the dead man, the salesman embarks on a double life, keeping it secret from his live-in girlfriend." Richard doesn't have a character name and is fourth in the list under Casey Biggs, Jeff, and Anne, so I think we can assume he is not one of the three protagonists (though we could have assumed he wasn't the girlfriend, at least, pretty much right away). Still, Jeff Goldblum is a future Boyfriend (pending investigation), so I'll probably check this one out anyway. At least on video. In the meantime, keep your television sets tuned to Judging Amy on Tuesdays! Maybe we'll be treated to another romantic dream sequence -- one involving Rich and not involving his shirt. Love those former track stars, don't you?

MacGyver Factor Score: 91.3%. Points off just because I want more exposure! Exposure! Exposure! (Not of that variety, you gutter-minders.) Television is great, but I want more movies! More commercials! More interviews! More web sites with better pictures I can swipe! Get hot, Richard T. Jones. It's best not to keep me waiting!

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